Can Children attend a Birth?
- Mar 2, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 19, 2023
Siblings and birth, is that ok? Yes absolutely! A few weeks ago I was able to support my first home birth here in Mexico and little Rosa was born safely and gently in the water. Her 4-year-old sister stood by the pool and cheered on her mom in French. She would say things like "Breathe! Relax! Don't despair!" And sometimes she would also have to leave the room and say a short cry when the last waves of birth hit her mom intensely. But she bravely came back again and again and wanted to be part of this all-changing experience. She was able to see her sister's head being slowly born and lifted out of the water into her mother's arms. She was even brave enough to touch Rosa's head just before her shoulders twisted and floated out. She was curious about everything and often said "I want to see, I want to see it!". She is the proudest big sister and will never forget how gentle childbirth can be. It is imprinted in their body, mind, and soul. Forever. What a gift. My son Laya was there too, outside the room, but he came in there when he heard the baby crying softly shortly after birth. It's already his 5th home birth! When he thinks of childbirth, he thinks of a pool. He actually only saw water births until now! Isn't that wonderful? He doesn't even question it. For him, it's completely normal. In the photo, you can see Laya touching Rosa's umbilical cord! By the way, Laya only knows lotus births (Watch my short video about Lotus Births and click here:
Two children were also present when Laya was born on the beach in Palawan, a Philippine island. 7-year-old Sofie and 1-year-old Kala (See the photos and also read my article “Helping Hands” in which I write in detail about my community birth). This is how the birth culture is changing! By the way, Kala and Sofi experienced other births (those of their siblings) after Laya's. I am so proud of you kids and of the parents who invited them to the births.
We often worry that it might be too upsetting for our children, maybe even traumatic. However, in my many years of experience, I have never heard of such a case or experienced anything similar. The siblings are usually very well able to protect themselves and filter out what cannot be understood and could possibly have a traumatizing effect. But what is not to understand about birth? For months they have been prepared for the fact that their little brother will come out of their mother's belly or vagina. And that we are all born that way, as babies, small and vulnerable, tender and full of love. They understand, instinctively and it's just plain to them. They kiss their mums' bellies, listen to the baby´s heartbeat, and tell their little sister or brother how they will soon be playing together. So far I have only experienced very loving relationships between the baby bump and the sibling and this helps enormously when experiencing the birth. And let's be honest: Nevertheless, birth is still a miracle, which not even I, as a midwife, can really understand. "What? This little creature was just inside its mother? Couldn't breathe, hear or see “properly”, his cardiopulmonary system was completely different! Didn't know gravity or cold...!" It is fascinating. And who doesn't get fascinated more easily and who is most likely to believe in miracles? Well, our little ones. They understand it with their hearts, with their bodies, and play it out when they sit on the toilet and have to "press hard". Or if Laya has eaten a lot, then he just says he's pregnant from mangoes. We all know that. I have also often seen that children simply do not wake up when the birth takes place at home at night. In the morning the sibling is born or you wake them up shortly after the birth. We can trust our children. There are far more traumatizing things in the world than witnessing a birth at home (or in a birth center).*
And the gift that we give them and what I mentioned before is immeasurable. We let them participate in pure and natural childbirth culture. We show that we can be born in peace, with time, in instinctive movement, in love, and in the supportive company of a well-meaning team. We shape our children forever. And so we shape our society and make the birth culture a bit more humane.
So if you are faced with the question of whether your child/children should be present at the birth of the baby, then I would like to encourage you with this article. You will instinctively find your own and right way. I encourage you to listen to yourself and consider this amazing possibility.
If you have any questions about this or other topics, then simply send me an email at yourmidwifehour@gmail.com and arrange a free introductory call, or take a look at my midwife support offers on the website.
Hope to see you soon! Isabel *We are of course assuming here that the birth will proceed without any difficult complications.
