Helping hands - Laya´s Community Birth on the Beach

It takes many hands that will carry you across the bridge to a new consciousness. This was my experience. During the birth of my son Laya in a small house on a beautiful beach in the Philippines, I invited many close friends to help us with the birth. And nobody was too much. Every helping hand was needed. Be it our carpenter Neptali, who on the day the birth started quickly assembled a structure that stood over the pool and to which a rope could be attached. Incidentally, the idea of ​​how to attach a rope to hang on came from my old friend Jens, who was visiting from Germany. This thing was so important because just a few hours later I was hanging on this rope a lot...

Or be it the crew of men who had to take care of fetching the water from the river and heating it over a fire outside the house. It was hard work for them and you can't imagine what their faces looked like when I actually didn't want to get in the pool in the end...I went in anyway and it saved me quite a bit of time and labor intensity. Thanks again Edgar and Dodi! Then my two friends and their daughters. One of my friends, Janine, was energetically cleaning the room and spreading incense scents all the time. This beautiful task was so helpful and is also quite common in the Philippines. She also looked after her 1-year-old daughter Kala, who gazed at me with wide eyes while I gave birth. Unforgettable because just a year before she was born into the hands of her father Dodi in my presence.

Then my friend Adelle, who herself had two home births, but could only be there with her daughter Sofi, since Anaya transitioned a few years earlier shortly after her birth from an undiscovered heart defect. And then it was so special when, after Laya's birth, Adelle told me that she was 14 weeks pregnant and expecting a son: Agos, Laya's future playmate. It was healing for Adelle to see smooth and free births and Sofi still tells me to this day how strong and loud I was. These two women with their stories and daughters played a very big role, especially at the end of Laya's birth. I'll come back to that later. But first I have to mention my doula and friend Marta. She's also a craniosacral therapist and her touch shot me up into the universe and back again several times. It felt so good to experience the really short break between contractions in deep relaxation. In addition, she provided me with homeopathic remedies, which we had previously discussed, and also learned my hilot's massage tricks very quickly.

My hilots: Without my hilots, traditional Filipino midwives with “supernatural” powers, the whole birth and pregnancy would not have gone so smoothly. I am infinitely grateful. In particular, Nanay (mother) Conching massaged me weekly from 32 weeks gestation, got rid of leg cramps, encouraged me, put Laya in the right position, and reassured me that he is a healthy little boy and just gave me loads of love and confidence (Read please see my blog article "Massages during pregnancy"). Nanay Ernis was a bit more reserved and not as involved, but I knew about her decades of experience and I wanted her to be there. While Nanay Conching danced with me and held me (when that was still possible) and massaged me and really massaged and squeezed points around my sacrum and coccyx that I hadn't known before, Nanay Ernis just fell asleep on the couch across from me during the height of labor. And how do you think I felt there? You won't want to believe it, but it gave me a tremendous amount of confidence and confidence in that moment. I thought to myself "If she can sleep, then everything will be fine here!"

And now to Evan, Laya's father, who wasn't allowed to be away from me for a second. He was the masculine strength in this room full of women that I needed mentally, physically, and spiritually. He held my hands and arms the whole time, my body begging for his strength and support. He worked hard. I have rarely seen a man who was so physically involved. It was unconditional and just plain strong. I felt seen and not alone in the intensity of the birth. This of course applies to all my birthkeepers. They saw me, they trusted me. No one doubted my physical and mental strength to be able to give birth here and now. They knew Laya, they'd been calling him by his name for months. He was already there, part of our community. I just had to let him out, let him through me...to this other side. And that's where Janine and Adelle come into play again. When I finally got into the pool, after about 6.5 hours of intense contractions with breaks no longer than 30 seconds (fortunately I was extremely physically fit and swam in the sea for up to 1 hour a day), Laya's head quickly got lower . The warm water was just what my tense body needed to let go and give in to the pressure from Laya to finally be born. But all of a sudden I was terrified. The adrenaline kicked in and I held Laya's head back with my hand. I was in excruciating pain, but it was more the fear of a major birth injury. Understandable and maybe you have experienced it too. Now it was driven off. In my memory, Janine and Adelle, who looked like priestesses in black robes, walked around the pool and just looked at me out of the corner of their eyes. They said in a proud and determined voice "Let go, let go, just once and it's done, let go..." I said I couldn't. I would be afraid the pain would be too much. I yelped, really...it was a rad moment. But then I did. I just let Laya go, so symbolic, so metaphorical, so emblematic of motherhood. And what did the little man do: he shot out in one contraction, so his head (which was almost born already, but I held it back) and body were born in one contraction. I don't think I even had to push along, he just wanted out. Typical of this little being. And then everything was different. I was a mom and Laya was there. Instinctively, and I had never heard or read about it before, I sucked his mouth and nose. That means I sucked the amniotic fluid out of his nose and mouth with my mouth. Where that came from - no idea... And then there was silence. Everyone in the room was graceful and still. Dodi and Edgar were there too and looked at us. I will never forget Edgar's face. It was so recognizing, so reverent, so affirming somehow. There was no sensationalism. It was a bit of a worthy end to a very hard day's work. 7 hours after the start of labor. Record time I thought, after all, it was my first child and I was already 37 years young. And from feeling my pulse on my wrist through the hilots, it came exactly at the time they predicted. I already mentioned that they have supernatural powers. Laya wanted and could quickly nurse. Breastfeeding was the most normal thing in the world and it still is (Laya is 4 years old now). The placenta also came out in the water with no problems. Laya's umbilical cord was very short. That's why he certainly wanted to get out on a train. I often experience this in children with short umbilical cords or umbilical cord entanglements. And then we wandered to the bed. I was very unstable and suddenly powerless. But then there was nothing left to do but love and fall in love and breastfeed and rest. The men washed the pool in the sea, and my blood, Laya's amniotic fluid was returned to where he first reached and spoke to me...in the clear waters of Nagtabon Beach on the beautiful island of Palawan, Philippines (Please read the article about how Laya spoke to us in early pregnancy). Adelle and Sofi camped in front of our house for another week and cooked us delicious stew every day. To this day I am still so grateful for that. Gratitude, love, and deepest connection is what I feel when I think of my helping hands during Laya's birth. And also a shoutout to Laya himself, who guided me so wonderfully during the birth and made me feel what he needs and, above all, how strong and healthy he is. Having no doubts and being able to trust him as a being that we're all going to make it through here was essential. There is also a blog article on this ("The baby is the midwife").

A community birth. I would never have thought so. But I'm also sure that it wasn't just me who was helped, but that everyone took so much with them from Laya's birth. Everyone mattered everyone came with love and service, everyone left with a full heart and unforgettable memories.

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