Understanding & preparing for Early Post Partum - Part 2: Tips for father, siblings & pets
- Mar 10, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Sep 19, 2023
Welcome to part 2 of the postpartum series. I hope you enjoyed part 1 which is about the mother and the baby. If you haven't read this, please click here and read this article first:
And now we come to the young father. Of course, the same applies to him as to the woman who has recently given birth and their baby.
It is the time of rest, of re-discovery, of understanding and accepting the new role, and the time when it is a matter of taking good care of yourself as a father and ultimately of the mama and the child. A friend once said something very beautiful to me. The mother is there for the baby, the father for the mother, and the community holds the father. It may not be the case for every young family, but when it comes to bringing a little being into this world, it needs protection and support and the father should not be forgotten and lost in the role of the "provider". Men's circles are a great thing, in person or online. Or just the beer with the best buddy. TALK, YOU MEN! Talk about what's on your mind. You also no longer have any initiation rituals and suddenly you are a father!? That can be a lot at once. But it doesn't have to. How about, for example, if your feeling of "I can't do much here and my girlfriend is only busy with the child and the baby is really happy only with her...!" compensated by the "Diaper Changing King title"? It seems almost too easy, but from experience, it's a tremendous bonding force and great support when Dad is changing diapers...even at night. Mom is already doing enough. And if there is an agreement between you that clearly says that you will change the diapers around 8-15 times a day, then that brings a lot of calm to the whole process. The mother can fall asleep again after breastfeeding, doesn't have to get up, etc. and the father spends precious time alone with the baby, which is soooo valuable. Creating rituals, that's what family is all about. That's what creates a connection.
And now a few very practical tips and things that dad can take care of in advance: - Pre-cook and freeze healthy, easily digestible food - Ask neighbors, friends, or/and family if they can take turns cooking fresh meals and put it on the doorstep - Look for delivery services for healthy food and try them out beforehand - Fill out parental allowance applications, etc., so that it is very easy to submit them after the child is born - Put an "On Baby Honeymoon" sign on the door to avoid unexpected and unwanted visits - Turn off the doorbell so you can catch up on sleep during the day - Darken windows if it's hard to sleep during the day - Get sleep masks and earplugs - Organize walking the dog - Get good organic food, healthy snacks, hydrating drinks like coconut water, tasty and warming teas - Organizing and, above all, accepting support in the household
As already mentioned, certain hormones also affect men. The prolactin affects him and opens a kind of tunnel vision, which focuses strongly on the child. It's okay not to "function" 100% anymore. Also "postpartum depression" and moods are not uncommon in young fathers.
As a man, feel embedded in the community. Let yourself be carried by family, friends, neighbors. It's a wonderful chance to accept help and support and yes, you can do without it. But why should you, if everyone wants to help, but maybe just doesn't know how!?
There is nothing quite like welcoming a child into a community and that involves participation and support from the very beginning. Try it!
As for the existing siblings, please read my blog article on why children can be present at birth. There I write specifically about home births or births in out-of-hospital facilities.
One thing is clear, the life of the sibling, especially when expecting a sister or brother for the first time, will be turned upside down.
I only have one child and Laya is still the undisputed prince of the house, but one thing I know now: a while ago he would have struggled a lot with having a sibling. It's different today and he sometimes asks if anyone else is coming. And so this process is a very individual one, depends a lot on the age gap and I am sure that you, as parents, will instinctively accompany it well. And of course, it's also about communication here, playful is probably more appropriate. There are wonderful books, films, dolls, audiobooks etc. Take your child to other babies, e.g. in your circle of friends or on the playground. And most importantly, include it in your pregnancy from the start. Most children are extremely fascinated to see how the belly slowly grows, how the baby moves, how the mother is measured by the midwife, and how everything shakes when the baby hiccups. Let the belly be painted, let your child dream and think of names. The relationship starts right there - during pregnancy or maybe even as soon as the thought of another child is imminent. The same applies to you and your partner (and your pets, of course).
What do you do with your big child/children when the baby wants to be born or is already there? I can't create an exact to-do list for you here, because family constellations are too individual for that. But I would like to open you up to a few suggestions.
How nice would it be if the child knew beforehand that they have some kind of "baby-baby-sitter" who will be there for them wholeheartedly as soon as the baby is born, i.e. the birth begins? This person, of course, is already known and trusted by the child, and they like each other. I think it's a very nice idea that the older child is there, is in the family, and, despite the change, receives very special attention, which is not artificial, but communicated very clearly. "Mom has to rest and Dad is taking care of the parental allowance while I'm here for you all day today and we'll do something nice together - here or outside." And how about the baby bringing the sibling a small present? Something very special? And of course the firstborn / the older children should also be with the baby a lot, cuddling and exploring. I think preparation is key, of course, being open to the fact that sometimes the best plan doesn't work out. This brings us back to tranquility and space for improvisation, fun, and games.
And now let´s talk about pets - you might not expect that in an article about childbirth. But I certainly don't have to explain to cat and dog owners that our four-legged friends are also going through a major phase of upheaval when suddenly a little creature is sleeping in the bed and they are no longer allowed in there. I am not an expert in this and I would just like to give you suggestions that it makes sense to deal with e.g. jealousy in pets during pregnancy. Dogs, for example, are said to smell the baby's diaper. There are certainly many suggestions and tips and you will go your own way! I can tell you that our cat Muna was about 4 months old when Laya was born and was able to witness Laya's birth at the beach house. As you can see in the photo here, she was immediately hooked and super in love with Laya. To this day they have a great connection and it certainly has something to do with the fact that she was still very young as a small four-legged friend, but she was also allowed to be there from the start. Muna means “first, before, now” in Filipino and that was a very conscious choice of name because she was somehow first there in this world. And Laya also knows that she was there when he was born and that gives him a very special respect for her, I have the feeling. Of course, Laya is now much taller than her, but he knows that she is older. And somehow this is a very beautiful realization.
Now all I can say is that I hope that together with Part 1 you have received a good overview of childbirth and that you have received a few suggestions on how you can best prepare for the time when you have given birth. I wish you all the best and if you would like to find out more about me and my wide range of offers for you and your partner, then arrange a free phone call with me by writing me an email: yourmidwifehour@gmail.com or just take a look around my homepage. All the best and much love, Isabel, Laya, Evan & Muna
