Understanding & preparing the Early Post Partum - Part 1: Helpful tips for Mama & Baby

From my experience as a mother and midwife, most expectant mothers focus on the current pregnancy, which is very understandable and logical. And most of all, of course, the focus is on the upcoming birth. What I then really often experience and have also experienced myself is the shock of the great challenges that follow after the birth of the child and placenta. Of course, this article is not intended to stir up fears and worries. It should draw attention and allow you to prepare yourself. To create framework conditions that bring breaks, relaxation, and time to cuddle, promote well-being, enable slowness, and create a lot of rest with healthy food and drinks. But how does that work? And what happens after the placenta is born and the postpartum period begins? Let's take a look at 5 different contributors: This part 1 is about the young mother (the so-called new mother) and the baby. Part 2 is about the young father, siblings, and pets such as dogs and cats.

In general, and especially for the young mother, it is first of all very important to see how the pregnancy itself and the birth itself went, what the start of breastfeeding was like, and the emotional support. Whether there is still pain from birth injuries or a cesarean section. Is the child healthy, is it with you or does the baby have to be treated in the children's ward? Do you feel carried and seen as a mother? Were you able to go through pregnancy and childbirth independently and empowered? Or maybe you even suffered a trauma? Reading all this, it immediately comes to mind that as a woman who has recently given birth, you need rest after the birth to give all eventualities space to process and heal. And that's exactly what I want to point out and I'll give you a few tips. And I need to mention that everything is allowed and everything can have its place. Every feeling during this time is valuable and can and should be expressed.

So when we start with the young mom, we must of course take a look at the hormonal changes, which can certainly be responsible for the biggest ups and downs in the first few days after the birth. Hormones have been produced in the placenta over the months, of which the body of the woman is now slowly weaning itself and other hormones are therefore gaining the upper hand. That this can lead to emotional chaos is predictable and should be handled with a lot of care and respect. So if the level of the important pregnancy hormones progesterone and estrogen drops and the "cuddle hormone" oxytocin is no longer present in that literal "pregnancy overdose", the prolactin (breastfeeding hormone) increases enormously, which drives milk production, increases alertness for the child and therefore and at the same time creates a kind of tunnel vision. Even the father produces prolactin and is thus programmed to “child”, sleep becomes lighter, one becomes somewhat more forgetful, puts showers on the back burner for days, is a bit drowsy and dizzy, etc. When breastfeeding, the young mother suddenly feels one thing: she becomes sleepy (prolactin - milk production) and falls in love with her baby over and over again (oxytocin - falling in love and bonding as well as milk flow and uterine involution). But breastfeeding has to work out first of course. The milk comes in when the pregnancy hormones, which are responsible for the production of the happiness hormones dopamine and serotonin, take a nosedive. The milk flows and the emotional chaos begins. The breasts may hurt, they're hard, the baby might not be able to suckle properly, the cramps of uterine involution are annoying, you're overtired and you've crashed from the "birth high". This is commonly associated with the so-called baby blues. Crying women who have recently given birth, overwhelmed with everything, and then often overlapping with the day of discharge from the clinic. Pretty bad. Here's a tip: If the birth went well and you have a midwife or doula who can reliably visit you at home, then go home as an outpatient. Home is usually the best place to sleep, nurse, eat, live, and love (as a young family). But of course this requires a certain amount of preparation and we will talk about that here.

A young mother is energetically “open”. In the Philippines, I learned that she must be kept away from the cold. Seems easy in a tropical warm country, but things like fans, certain cooling foods like pineapple, or other raw dishes were a no-go. I experienced it several times when "my woman" who had recently given birth got a fever and became ill and healed again with warm tea, food, massages, and hot water bottles. The hilots (the Filipino birth keepers) very much insisted that nothing “cold” get into the energetically open body. I could understand that very well in my early days after birth. I had real problems keeping my body warm due to the hormonal changes. While I was sweating like never before and my clothes and sheets etc. were super wet all the time, I was also very cold and I honestly wore my woolen hat up until the second week, it should be mentioned that I gave birth on the beach in Palawan, one hot tropical Philippine island. But as I said, it's something internal. That's how I felt at the time. Here in the photo, you can see how I sat down on the terrace for the first time after about 12 days, and Laya and I therefore for the first time as Mom and baby were outside the room/door.

A ritual of the Hilots, a widespread ritual by the way all over the world, is the "closing ceremony" in which one stands over incense and the hot smoke gets into the vagina and thus the uterus and, so to speak, "cleanses, smokes and energetically heals and brings closure”. Being energetically open also means that you are not only more vulnerable physically but also emotionally. My great advice to all parents-to-be is not to take on too much, not to have too high expectations of yourself, to eat enough nutritious food, to take plenty of breaks, and to only have visitors there at first if they have enough food for EVERYONE and wash the dishes, take out the garbage, tidy the kitchen, walk the dog, take the grocery list with them and do it. What I want to say is that we often start our own small family far away from our core family and support from parents, siblings, etc. is not always available. That's why you have to get organized and let your friends, neighbors, and colleagues understand that you're on a "baby honeymoon" and like John Lennon and his wife, you just want to sit in bed and rest and let love flow. Visitors are welcome, but primarily as support. Believe me, it's worth letting the first particularly fresh and groundbreaking days pass in peace and with all-encompassing support. So that there is room for everything that we have already discussed. So that the focus goes inwards, and thus love in its deepest form can occupy the space. Because she wants to be there, wants to nestle in this family. The child brings her with her. Allow her to sit by your bed and hold you when you feel like it's all too much: the feelings, the new, the beauty of your child, the wonder, the happiness, the fear of doing it all wrong, and the big concern. When your child is born, fear is also born. Accept her, she can become a friend, a watchful companion.

Let's get to the next player in this big picture: The baby, this little being that was born from this sheltered place into this new world. Your child has so many things to experience for the first time, so many impressions and sensations are new. Everything seems different. But one thing is the same. And that is you. This can also overwhelm you, the insight that you are now responsible for. Start this dance between you and your child and you will see that you will learn the dance steps very quickly and soon you will be gliding across the parquet floor of your life together. Putting yourself in your child's shoes helps. Where is it from? It knows no separation from you, no cold, no hunger, no stillness, no standstill. Your baby was always being moved, even when you were sleeping your bowels were moving and gently massaging it. Your child always heard something, especially your heartbeat and the rushing of blood through your veins. Your baby was nourished by the umbilical cord, surrounded by warm water and it knew no gravity. Sounds were subdued, never saw bright lights. And now it's here. On the other side. Kind of hatched. And what I can advise you to do to make it easier for everyone: imitate what your child already knows. If your child is fine, then you are fine. If your child feels good, you will feel good. Your baby expects to be with you. Always. At least in the first few days. It is vital that your child feels you. It sleeps with you, skin to skin, following your breathing and heartbeat to be reminded of what it needs to do here: breathe regularly. That sounds banal, but it isn't. Studies have shown that newborns sometimes fall asleep so deeply that their breathing stops. If the children now sleep with and with their parents, then these sleep phases are not so deep and the children are animated to breathe by the breathing noises of the parents, the heartbeat, and the movements around them. The fear of sudden infant death has slowly but surely banned babies from their parents' beds and it is a fallacy because sudden infant death usually happens in their baby beds and not with the parents (provided they are not under the influence of drugs or medication, etc.). Observe how other mammals interact with their babies and you will understand that there is no point in keeping a newborn away from physical contact.

Plus, you'll all sleep better because, as we said, "If the kid's fine, you're fine." If your child falls asleep with you, leave them there on your chest. Don't put it in his crib only to find him waking up and crying. It screams because it knows where it belongs. Start the dance with your child. And the dance steps will be easier for you if you trust your dance partner and let this little creature guide you. Education starts much later. Here in the early postpartum period, it is about trust in you as a mother and trust in your child. Please, believe me, you cannot spoil your newborn with love. Spoiling means the opposite of weaning. It means you are giving your child a little too much of something that is not good for them. There isn't too much love and closeness in postpartum. In the course of this dance between you and your child, your child will “leave” you all by itself and its independence begins with the birth, all by itself... And through the deep basic trust that a held, carried, breastfed child experiences, it moves with deep self-confidence and curiosity out into the world. This happens all by itself. That we spoil our children with something essential for life is one of the statements of the older generation that strikes me the most. We're a new generation with other understanding and that's good. This giving of love and closeness requires time, rest, and space to get to know each other. It's called "childbed". Take it literally and stay in bed with your child for weeks (with gentle exercise from your midwife or doula). You have nothing to do but breastfeed, sleep, eat healthy, and get to know each other. You can do it and it's so worth it. The more time you invest in this first phase, the easier it will be for you to spend the next few weeks, months, and years with your child. It's about creating a stable base, and deep strong roots for the great tree of life.

It may sound like a lot, but in the end, I just want to say that you can prepare yourself by outsourcing many things. That you should take time and space for your baby and that healing and processing deserve their place. As said before, love like never before will come to you and please don't push her off the edge of the bed when she spontaneously pops in to work her magic. This wonderful time will never come again and will pass very quickly. Please read on here. Part 2 is about how the father can adjust to childbirth and how siblings and even existing four-legged friends can be prepared for the new arrival to get used to each other.

https://www.yourmidwifehour.com/post/understanding-preparing-for-early-post-partum-part-2-tips-for-father-siblings-pets

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All the best, Isabel & Laya