The real BirthKeeper is the Baby

Your baby knows exactly what it wants, can, and should expect. Your baby is prepared for its own and very individual birth. Our children and we were and are in our mothers' wombs to be born healthy. * Why am I saying this...as a midwife - The baby is the birthkeeper and not ME. This paradigm shift happened during my pregnancy. It was a slow and deep process. Good that you have 9 months. Having spent most months of my pregnancy in the Philippines (my adoptive home for 7 years at the time), I had to get used to the fact that no midwife could live up to my expectations. This should not sound arrogant, but midwives in Germany are well trained and if you then gain experience in out-of-hospital spaces you have a very broad and all-encompassing knowledge. And having a midwife present at the birth is not only right but also a blessing in Germany.

Well, I didn't find a midwife like that in the Philippines, and having my former favorite colleague “fly in” from the Hamburg birth center was not an option either. So there was a time when, despite wonderful preparation from my hilot (traditional midwife) with her massages, love, and confidence (Please read my Blog about "Massages in pregnancy"), I felt a bit anxious. What if? Who is watching over us? This was around the 34th week of pregnancy. Certainly, this has been a completely normal process, which overtakes most women. The important thing is probably not to lose focus on the fact that pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum are completely physiological, natural, and "success-oriented" processes, to put it a little "economically". Or in other simple words: “Nature is not stupid.”

But now I have to go back a little and tell you about a very drastic experience that I had to go through right at the beginning of my midwifery training. We student midwives learned to measure each other's pelvises (something I now consider totally old school and harmful because it only measures the bony structure of the pelvis on the outside and could therefore lead to wildly wrong conclusions). The teacher said to me that I was a candidate for a cesarean section with my pelvic dimensions. I was shocked...I was full of self-doubt up until the moment I could feel Laya's head in my hand (about 12 years later). In fact, until a few minutes before he was born. So I walked around with this thought of having a too-small pelvis and not being able to have a natural birth. So, some doubts were there in the room. But then the paradigm shift happened, which also eliminated my fears. In a meditation called Innerdance which I also offer as "InnerWomb" sessions www.yourmidwifehour.com/avenues-of-support-offerings

I suddenly realized that LAYA is THE MIDWIFE the BIRTHKEEPER. In this guided trance, my son spoke to me. He made it very clear to me that it is HIS birth, that he will come into this world healthy and well, and that he doesn't need much more than my trust in him and me. I should relax and learn to understand that as a mother I am the gate through which he will come here on this earth. He will guide and lead and I can rely on him. And the way I had decided to give birth up to that point was the right one since I had relied heavily on my intuition. That realization was so important to me, it all made sense. I was able to relax and kick back energetically. There wasn't much I needed to do and worry about. The place of birth on the beach was chosen. Laya chose it (read my blog article “Conception and how Laya spoke to us”). The birth team came about organically. Friends volunteered and even flew in from other islands to support us. My doula flew in from Bali. How wonderful. I swam in the ocean daily, was very physically fit and ready, ate healthy, and was becoming more and more free of my fears.

And in the end, everything was fine. The birth went without complications - because there was no "German midwife" in the room except myself. I knew I was in hyper-frequent contractions, which manifested itself in the fact that from the first contraction, there was hardly any time to relax. I had contractions every 1-2 minutes for 7 hours. That meant my breaks were sometimes as little as 20 seconds. When the water broke, I saw green amniotic fluid. Laya was showing signs of stress. Completely clear with such a stormy birth, but this is often misjudged and possibly spreads fear in the birthing room. I also had a very early urge to press, which could certainly have been interpreted as a misaligned head. These three aspects might have tempted a “German” midwife to continue the birth in the hospital and the cesarean section would have become a very real option there. But the good thing was that I didn't have to face this argument at all. Only I was the one having this awareness. My birth team didn't doubt Laya and me for a moment. And that's why I was able to devote myself to this birth in peace and "do my job", to breathe away wave after wave and to relax as best as possible during the break. My team helped me a lot (Please read my blog post about Laya's community birth). And yes, when the moment came, when I felt Laya's head deep in my pelvis and knew I was capable of giving birth naturally, I developed so much strength. Nobody knew about these deep doubts, only I struggled with them internally. And it was a good thing. Because, as I said, no one doubted my ability to give birth at the beach. And Laya was born naturally, bursting out of me in the pool being fit and alert as expected. Of course, I was completely overwhelmed and could hardly believe what a journey we both had behind us. A few days later I met my closer birth team again and was able to formulate for the first time what went through my head in a flash and fragments during the birth - caesarean section due to hyperfrequent contractions and misalignment of the head with a too narrow pelvis and the resulting stress in the child with green amniotic fluid. Crazy, right? But the trust in my son and the certainty that he would be born in this house on the beach in Palawan because he had chosen it, trumped any doubt. I surrendered to the birth experience and was rewarded with a beautiful community birth. Laya was received with love and respect.

With that, I would like to say in closing that it is infinitely important to listen to your child, to go into yourself, to open your heart, and to find out what your baby wants. With this power, one can also go through births that are difficult from the outside, without (many) interventions being necessary. Always ask, “Is this necessary?” And you'll see, in many cases it's not. I hope that this story has a positive effect on you. Whatever is happening in your life right now. Please don't forget that there are things that cannot be explained with rational common sense. But they are there anyway. And if we get involved, then we can perceive them and let them guide us. *I don't want to deny that there are births with complications and some can end tragically. But let's focus on the positive here. If you would like to find out more about my work and offers, just take a look around my homepage or arrange a free 30-minute introductory call with me at yourmidwifehour@gmail.com